Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
