I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize