Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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