I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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