Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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