Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
