Sponge bath it is.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
