i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Randomize
