woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
