Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
