I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
