so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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