Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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