dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
