omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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