WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He passed out mid-signature
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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