She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
