My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
And then my night got REAL pukey
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
