I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Terrible idea I love it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
