I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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