why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
