omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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