She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
