i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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