Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
