I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
