I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
