haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
