and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
