:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
