I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
