Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
