We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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