he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
