I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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