i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
two words: eviction party
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
