I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
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both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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