well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
