oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
