Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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