I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
