I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
