I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
