So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
