whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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