I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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