That's intense
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
