I look better un-naked...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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