It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
