is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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