My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
