I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
