i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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