Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
