he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
