We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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