So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
