EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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