I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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