Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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