Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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