I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
