found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
