I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
