Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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