would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
