I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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