The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
