And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
