drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
