I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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