My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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