and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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