i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
