just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
