if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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