We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
