Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
