Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
only you would photoshop your dick
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
