OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This is my gift to your gina
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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