Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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